In our professional lives, we often encounter colleagues who challenge us in ways we never expected.
While some bring inspiration and wisdom, others seem to deliver nothing but toxicity and frustration. However, what if even the most difficult workplace relationships contain hidden gifts that can transform our careers and lives?
Sometimes the most poisonous parcels, when carefully unwrapped, reveal unexpected opportunities for growth and change.
Finding Hidden Gifts
I talked last week about how everyone we work with gives us a gift of some sort, whether it’s inspiration, a life lesson, friendly advice, or perhaps even just a novel way of looking at things.
I also noted not all of these “gifts” may be entirely welcome.
Let’s face it, we’ve probably all had a colleague whom we struggle to think of positively. Even so, I believe even the most poisonous parcels from the most toxic of colleagues are worth unwrapping.
Case Study in Workplace Toxicity
Take Nigel, a consultant who reluctantly came to me for therapy on the insistence of his gastroenterologist.
Nigel, whose case I examine in my new book, Rethink the Couch: Into the Bedrooms and Boardrooms of Asia with an Expat Therapist, was published by Penguin Random House SEA.
He was suffering from Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) and wasn’t thrilled about being in therapy. He told me in no uncertain terms he thought therapy was “garbage,” but was desperate enough now to give anything a go.
Diagnosing the root of his problem wasn’t hard. Nigel had an authoritarian boss who would harass him at all hours of the day, regularly refer to him as “250” (Chinese slang for “idiot”), and tear him down in front of others, including the Big Boss.
Additionally, he would pressure him to participate in all sorts of appalling activities, such as all-night drinking sessions that were allowed to end only when the boss decided and often included ladies of the night.
Power of Toxic Systems
Awful though this boss was, and regardless of how many HR rules he must have flouted, Nigel knew this man wouldn’t be leaving the company any time soon.
The boss was a rainmaker, and there was a whole system of cooperation keeping him in power, sycophants who knew who buttered their bread. Ultimately, Nigel’s choice was either to rage against the machine or leave.
Unwrapped Gift of Courage
I soon learned he had always wanted to start his own business anyway.
Yet, like many who wonder whether to leap into the unknown, he focused more on the potential of failure than the possibility of success.
It was only when his boss’s poison became too much to bear that Nigel’s immune system jolted into action and he resigned. In a twisted way, his boss had given Nigel the courage to do what he had wanted to all along. Now that is a gift worth unwrapping.
When Nigel left his workplace to start his own company, I congratulated him on buying a one-way ticket out of hell. His body presumably agreed; his IBS cleared up.
Reflections on Poisonous Parcels
Nigel’s case reminds me of the poisonous parcels that I too have received over the years – and of how one person’s strong medicine can become another’s sweet elixir.
Many years ago, I shared with a supervisor in the USA my dream of living in Asia, practicing as a therapist, and even writing a book.
He looked at me with eyes that said, “That’s cute,” but his lips delivered the words, “That won’t happen.” These words, like all the other gifts, became the fuel that powered me to where I am today.
Conclusion
The next time you find yourself dealing with a toxic colleague or impossible boss, consider this: their negativity might be the very catalyst you need to make the changes you’ve been too afraid to pursue.
While we should never accept abuse or mistreatment, we can choose to transform even the most challenging workplace experiences into stepping stones toward our true potential.
Sometimes the greatest gift comes disguised as the worst experience – and that gift might just be the courage to finally pursue the life and career you’ve always wanted.